You Smile I Smile

You Smile I Smile
Sonshine: My Journey After the Loss of My Son

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Taking a Stand...

I am deeply saddened by “Christians” who try to deny basic rights to people out of fear and ignorance; bigotry cloaked as religious freedom. It’s a sad day for North Carolina. I don’t know what God these people have, but he’s sure not mine.

I believe my son is dead today in large part because of people like Amendment One supporters who made him feel like some kind of freak, someone to be despised, feared, an “abomination”. My son was a beautiful human being. He was kind, loving, so intelligent, and I loved him EXACTLY the way he was, and part of who he was, was gay. I am proud of my son. I so looked forward to the day when he found his true love and might actually…GASP!...marry that person and live in a committed relationship. I often think about how his life might have turned out so differently if we lived in a country that wasn’t steeped in homophobia. His last several years might have been happy instead of spent in shame and hurt--the feelings that sent him to drugs in an effort to suppress the pain and the shame; the feelings that many people would shun him and hate him because of who he was…who he was born as. Who God made him.

There’s not a person on earth who can convince me being gay is a choice. Who, in God’s name, would choose to be an outcast?--to be discriminated against, made to feel horrible for who they were? He could no more change being gay than he could change the color of his skin. And trust me, if he could have changed it, he would have. But it’s just not possible.

There’s been a lot written about gay kids committing suicide lately. It’s a sad commentary on the state of our country, and I largely blame misguided “Christians”. As a God-loving heterosexual Christian, I have to ask what is going on in the US?!!! The Tea Party, who would boo a veteran who honorably served our country, because he was gay, has been in the headlines. Or some crazy church that pickets the funerals of soldiers with signs like “God hates fags” because they believe that’s why our soldiers are dying. It’s so disgusting, I don’t even know what to say about it. Back in the day, people used the bible to justify slavery too.  To every church who pushed this agenda, if you want to influence our government and use church money to do so, start paying taxes like every other corporation.

Most importantly, to every gay kid out there who may be suffering: you are a beautiful person, a person of value, just the way you are. God knitted each one of you personally in the womb (that’s from the bible), he knows every hair on your head (that’s in the bible too), and he knows your heart. If you can hang in there for a few years, get some experience under your belt, you will grow into yourself, accept yourself, and live a happy life. Yes, it’s hard now, but don’t turn to drugs, alcohol, or God forbid, suicide. Treat yourself and your body with the love and respect you deserve! You are a child of God the same as every other person who walks this earth. He loves you, and I do too.


  1. Pam this is beautiful. It is people like you that make this world a better place. Andy was so lucky to have you as his mom and Ken as his dad. Love Beth

  2. Pam, you do Andy proud. I'm sure this was difficult to write, but it really touched me. Blessings! -John Lewis

  3. Pam, How beautifully written. Andy would be so proud of your words and of how beautifully put your outrage is.
    Blessings to your family.

  4. awwww i want every gay person it the world to read this! cuz its so true! i remember it took Andy so long before he would openly admit he was gay. and he sure as hell waited to get out of broughton first before he really started being his true self. I think thats probably true for alot of gay kids, they hide who they are throug out highscool becuase kids can be so hateful and judgmental. they wait untill they graduate into the real and mature world, only to find out that the "real"and "mature" world can be just as cuel. its sad when adults act as mean and hateful as school children.

  5. Being Gay is NOT A CHOICE...
    And I believe that our children are a gift from God that are to be enjoyed for as long as He wishes. We just borrowed them from their place in Heaven.
    AND, there are so called "Christians", who must have read the words of Jesus backwards, and bent them to meet their needs. Fanatics... Not even worth spending our breath talking about them. "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do". LOVE YOU PAMMIE !!!!