You Smile I Smile

You Smile I Smile
Sonshine: My Journey After the Loss of My Son

Friday, April 8, 2011

My journey begins...

Andy came into the world on Monday 10/10/88 at 5:06 pm, weighing 9# 1oz, 21" long. It was the happiest day I will ever have in my life. As far back as I can remember, my dream was to be a mom. The day his dad and I brought him home, I couldn't believe how blessed I was and that I got to keep this precious baby all for my own. My joy was total, I was living my dream.

He was a happy baby who never cried unless he was wet or hungry. He lit up my life with his smile. We delighted in every new milestone. We felt pride when he took his first step, sang in his kindergarten recital, won first place in the DARE essay contest (more, much more on that in future blogs), became a gifted violinist, graduated from middle school, then got his high school diploma, got 1380 on his SATs, attended college, and on and on. He was a beautiful child with big brown eyes and a smile that could melt your heart. He grew into a truly handsome young man and was loved by a large circle of friends and of course, by his parents.

Andy and I traveled the US and Europe together. He showed me around the Alps where he had been an exchange student and gave me my love of Chamonix, France. We visited Busch Gardens so many times that we knew every square inch by heart. He amazed us with his hand-eye coordination. He made us happy.

Sadly, he struggled with his sense of self (more on that later) and became involved with drugs (more on that later). But in the last 6 months of his life after the death of a beloved friend, he was really turning things around and beginning to learn to love who he was and once more became the happy, delightful person we always knew he was. He was beating the evil demon that is drugs. We always knew he would face the seduction of drugs the rest of his life, but we began to once more allow ourselves to feel hope that he could have a happy life, and so did he. Unfortunately, he was lured back in by someone I consider a monster, and on February 11, 2011, 8 weeks ago today, I found my beloved son dead in his room. And so began my nightmare.

But it is my hope that this blog can help others on this same journey. Maybe we can walk this road together. All is not hopeless, and I believe that Andy taught me and others the meaning of real, unconditional love and that he will continue to make a difference from heaven. So if you’d like to join me on this journey, welcome. Let’s see how this all unfolds.

Mother of an Angel


  1. This is wonderful Pam! I agree with Jose, I can't wait for more! Love it!

  2. I cannot wait to learn more about Andy's precious life and the memory he left. I will be following!!

    <3 becca

  3. Beautiful Pam! I know your blog will inspire and help a lot of others.