You Smile I Smile

You Smile I Smile
Sonshine: My Journey After the Loss of My Son

Friday, March 30, 2012

Love and Appreciate the Mess!

I was just reminiscing about a couple of things today. The first was a cherished possession that Andy made in SAS Children’s House. It was a sweet little poster that I received for Mother’s Day one year. On it were his little handprints and the following poem:

"Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small,
And always leave my fingerprints
On furniture and walls.

But everyday I'm growing,
I'll be grown up someday,
And all these tiny handprints
Will simply fade away.

So here's a final handprint
Just so you can recall,
Exactly how my fingers looked
When I was very small."

It really touched me at the time, and I realized how true it was. I would often reflect back to that poem when he would make a “mess”. I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that I had that little poem of great wisdom. Truer words were never spoken. Cherish the moments, even the messes, and appreciate just how lucky you are to have this darling child. What I would give to come home and find my sink full of dirty dishes that Andy had left in the sink or to see a pile of his laundry that needed washing.

The second thing was a cigarette burn in the guest bedroom. A year and a half ago, the air conditioning in Andy’s room over the garage bit the dust, so he moved into the guest bedroom while we had a new one installed. He was known to smoke a cigarette now and then. The day he moved back into his real room, I noticed a small cigarette burn on the window sill. I thought oh geez, look at that, darn it. But then I thought to myself, “is this really something you want to make a big deal about?” And I decided, no, it wasn’t. One stroke of a paintbrush, and it would be gone. I never did get around to painting it, so I guess that shows how unimportant it really was. Fast-forward to this week. I went into the guest room to make the bed because I had company coming. I happened to look down, and my eyes fell upon that burn mark. I sobbed when I saw it because it was visual proof that he had once been here. I thanked God that I had never made a stink about it nor painted over it.

So do me a favor and hug your kids for me. When you see a mess, smile and thank heaven above that you are so lucky to have a mess to clean up. I would give everything I own to go home to one.


  1. Yes Pat, It is amazing how tolerant I am now. I miss Daniel's messy self so much ! Love to you and yours !

  2. Pam,
    Found your blog through a beautiful person sharing it.Just want to say your writing is very inspirational.It has been 3.5 years since our son left this world.Having a love based attitude has been the total key to making it into a wonderful teaching event we appreciate.His death has made the majority of those in his life into better people even though it has been a rough ride for some..